Update

My days are running together. I won't go over every detail about what has taken place since my last post. I just wanted to update you all on where we are now. Mom has gone from being somewhat alert but just not that responsive in conversation to not being alert or responsive at all. She no longer eats or drinks, and her pain medicine is given through an IV as she has not been able to swallow a pill for over a week now. Her breathing varies and, at times, she has long pauses in between a series of breaths. That type of breathing may continue for hours and then it changes back to a somewhat normal rhythm. Her blood pressure is extremely low. It is so low that we cannot really get a reading on it. She moans from time to time as if she is in pain. Her temperature spikes on occasion, and we use ice packs to bring it back down. On Sunday, we thought that she might pass within 24 hours, but Mom is still with us. I pray that what we see as suffering is not how she feels. The family is with her everyday. I don't know what I would do without them, especially my aunt. Everyone has been so good to us. I always knew that my Mom was a special lady; I am just realizing that so many others think so, too. Love you all. God Bless!

Take My Hand, Precious Lord

At the end of last week, we called in hospice. They have been a blessing and big help to us. These ladies that work at Evergreen Hospice are amazing; they are truly called to do what they do. Mom has really declined since Friday. She is nonresponsive most of the time and is now confined to the bed. We decided to bring in a hospital bed. I don't know how we would make it without it. Mom doesn't seem to be in much pain now, and we pray that continues to be the case. She only eats a little bit every day, and the only thing that seems to work is yogurt, something congealed, or some boost with ice cream. I am just thankful she is eating anything at all. She is starting to have a difficult time swallowing, which makes it difficult to administer medicines and food. With the help of hospice, though, we should be able to find solutions to any problems that may arise.

The family is taking it day by day, trying our best to hold it together and do what we need to do to be there for Mom. We don't know what we would do without our friends and family. We appreciate everything everyone has done so much, even if it simply is a message of love and prayer. We cannot begin to describe how much it means to us. We pray, and we ask that you pray that Mom not suffer any more. We feel that Mom will pass within a couple of weeks. We have been told that she is at a point where she could pass at any time. As much as I want my Mom to live, she isn't really living at this point. Watching her die right before my eyes from a cruel and horrible disease is almost more than I can bare. Thank God, it is not more than He can bare. I cry out to Jesus, and I feel Him right beside me. I know that God is merciful, and I pray that he bestows his mercy upon the most gracious lady I have ever known.

Not Doing Well

Mom had a wonderful birthday. I can't even begin to try to describe it. I won't go into detail, but it was magical. I think it touched the heart of everyone in the house that day. Mom's mental clarity was good the week of her birthday. We lowered her dose of pain meds. The pain was kept at bay, and her mind greatly improved. One of her best friends came and spent a few days with her. We all went to the lake the weekend of the 20th. Mom got to go on another boatride, and we all really had a wonderful time.

Sadly, a few days after Mom returned, her mental clarity took a turn backwards. Mom was determined to go to the lake this past weekend. We went, but there was no boatride this time. Mom is not doing well. Her quality of life has really declined the past 4 days. She can barely function. She sleeps most all day and night. She isn't eating. She can barely move. I think we may have reached a point where she will spend nearly all her time in bed. We are trying to decide whether to call in home health or hospice. Although she and the family appreciate the sentiment, Mom is not up for visitors. It breaks our hearts to see her struggling. I pray that she doesn't have to suffer any longer.

What to say?

I don't even know where to begin this post. I guess I will start with what all has been happening the past couple of weeks. On the Thursday we received the bad news from the recent PET scan the doctors basically told Mom that the cancer had spread significantly and that she could pursue chemo but the doctor did not recommend she do that. When Mom asked the doctor how long she had left to live, the doctor gave her 3-6 months. I felt like it would be closer to 3 months. Mom is not doing well. Mom has trouble completing a thought. Most times she doesn't even make sense. I thought at first that it was the pain medicine, but over the past week our family no longer thinks that is the case. I do not know if the cancer has spread to the brain. The PET scan is not a scan that detects cancer in the brain. (MRIs are the test that would be used.) If it has not spread to the brain, the disease definitely is affecting it. Her mental decline has happened so fast.

Mom went to the lake the Saturday after receiving the news. She remained there until Wednesday. She says being at the lake is peaceful. I would rather she be at home right now, but it is not about what I want. It is about what this amazing lady wants. Sadly, I don't know how much longer she will be able to make the trip. Mom can barely move. Thursday, she and Ron returned to the doctor. She spoke with her radiologist and then with her oncologist. Again, the doctor advised her against chemo. I don't know what brought about the change in prognosis as far as time, but the doctor told her that she was likely looking at 4-8 weeks. So, at this point, there hasn't been an official decision, but further chemo does appear to be out of the question. It wouldn't change her overall prognosis. I knew that things could change quickly, and it has, but you still aren't prepared for it when it does. She returned to the lake on Friday, and returned home this afternoon. Mom was determined to go on a boat ride. We were able to manage it, and she thoroughly enjoyed it. Her birthday is Wednesday. After that, I have no idea what she will want to do or feel like doing. I just pray that she does not suffer pain. Watching her now is hard enough, I cannot bear to watch her suffer any more.

Mom would like to thank anyone who has said a prayer on her behalf. Even in this nightmare, we praise God. He has been with us through everything and has provided and met our needs. He doesn't always give us what we want, but He knows and gives us what we really need. God didn't give Mom cancer. He wouldn't do that, but He does have the power to cure her. When discussing this subject with someone (and you know who you are), that person said, "Yes, He has the power to cure, but He will only do so if it is for His purpose." So, a cure is not to be, but we will not hold that against Him. This is our temporary home; it's not where we belong. I just know that the place that she is going is beautiful and beyond our wildest imagination. Thanks everyone for everything. Mom has felt your love these past 7 months. It has sustained her through it all. May God bless you and your families.

Heartbroken

Mom came home last Thursday. She returned to Mobile on Tuesday for a PET scan. We went back to Mobile today to get the results. The news is not good. The cancer is spreading. The doctor said that we could try a new chemo; however, the doctor also spoke of quality of life. In short, Mom has a decision to make. An impossible decision. Does she take chemo with the hope that it would help some and give her more time or does she reject further treatment and try to make the best of the time she has left? The doctor said that the chemo could wear her down and diminish her quality of life. It is a decision that only Mom can make. Needless to say, we are devastated. Mom has a lot to think about the next few days. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers. After this time we need alone as a family, we look forward to hearing from you.

Almost Home

Whew! What a month! I am trying to catch my breath. Okay, on to the news. Mom was released from the hospital Sunday. She completed her radiation on Friday. They removed the last of her IV drip on Saturday afternoon. They were able to manage her pain through oral meds so they released her. Just as we were about to leave, I thought about possible issues getting her prescriptions filled. It was Sunday, and some pharmacies do not have particular medications in stock. I won't go into detail, but it was very stressful. Ron got on the phone and was able to find the medicine. The doctors say that the radiation should continue to work within her body for the next couple of weeks. Mom did not want to go home right away for two reasons: 1) she was concerned that the severe pain would return and she would have to return to the hospital. The possibility of going home and having to make the trip back concerned her. Traveling is hard on Mom so she tries to limit travel, particularly if she cannot rest directly afterwards. 2) she has a doctor's appointment on Thursday morning. Mom wanted to stay put until after her doctor's appointment. The prospect of traveling home, then returning on Wednesday afternoon and then going back home on Thursday was too much for her. When Mom was released, she and I went to the camper. The Gorums have been gracious enough to bring their camper to Mobile. Providence Hospital has a space for a few campers. They have electricity, water, and sewer. The camper has a slide-out so it is plenty of room for Mom to get around on her walker.

Mom was very emotional Monday. She is tired. We all are tired of this circumstance we find ourselves in. Mom is tired of not feeling well. She is very weak. She sleeps alot. I am sure the pain medicine makes her drowsy. Mom did well physically until Monday night. She was in alot of pain and was in tears. I thought, "Oh no. We are going to have to go straight back to the hospital." Mom did not want to go back. I gave her all the medicine I could give her at the time and prayed really really hard. Within an hour, Mom got some relief. God is good! I cannot begin to put into words how God has provided these past few days.

So Mom is out of the hospital, but not home yet. She should be home Thursday. Please continue to pray for Mom, the doctors, and the caregivers. Thanks for all your thoughts and prayers. Thanks for taking time out of your day to call, stop by or to send a card or a dish. We are hanging in there, but it is so tough. It is truly one of those things that you cannot possibly express what it is like to go through. One cannot possibly understand until you have been there. I know many of you have been there and know exactly what we are going through. A cancer survivor gave us some advice shortly after Mom's diagnosis. She said to take it one day at a time. Truer words have never been spoken. One day at a time.

Update

Mom is still in the hospital. Hopefully, she will be able to go home soon. I think everyone is shooting for a Friday release, but that may be very optimistic. If not Friday, maybe it won't be too much longer. The doctors were finally able to control the pain through the IV. They decided to hold off on trying to manage her pain through oral medication so that Mom could get through the radiation treatments. Yesterday, the doctors decided that since she had received 7 treatments they would try to reduce the pain medicine in the IV drip. They are reducing the amount slowly and increasing the oral medication. We do not know at this point if Mom's pain has reduced the past few days because the radiation helped or because the pain meds had been increased. The next few days will be very telling. If they can remove her from her IV drip and control the pain via oral medicine then the radiation will have helped, and she can be released. I know she is past ready to go home. It is almost time for another PET scan. The scan should come shortly. In a couple of weeks the doctors will likely start more chemo, trying out a new combination of chemo drugs. They want to find a combo that all the cancer will respond to.

Just a little story to share with you: On Saturday, Mom wanted to "fix up." She had on some cute leopard print capri pajamas. The set looked like an outfit instead of pjs. We decided that we would put her on some makeup and earrings, put her hair in a ponytail (first time in years), and get a wheelchair. She was ready to get out of that room and ready to feel presentable again. We rolled down to the hospital gift shop. Mom got to enjoy her favorite pasttime, shopping. She really enjoyed it. She had several visitors on Sunday, and I think everyone was surprised to see her fixed up. She looked really good. I know it lifted her spirits.

I will let you know something when I know something more to tell. God Bless!